Hollymark After Dark

30 Day Shred.

2010-02-22T18:19:00.000-08:00

So, 30 days ago, I started doing the 30 day shred dvd. Most of you have probably heard of it, Jillian Michaels is the one who made it. Well, it's awesome. It's a 30 day workout, that you do every day. There are 3 levels, you do each for 10 days, or until you're ready to go to the next level. Each is made up of 3 circuits, and each circuit has 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio, and 1 minute of abs. This mix is supposed to help rev up your metabolism and keep your heart rate up to help you lose more weight.

In addition to doing the shred every day, some days I would do 30 minutes to an hour on the elliptical. Some days I would do levels 1 & 2, instead of just doing one level of the Shred. I felt like the 20 minute workout wasn't really enough, even though I was sweating pretty hard every time I did the workout. I didn't really start doing the extra cardio until about the halfway mark, around day 15 or 16. Once I started doing that, I was doing it daily.

So pretty much, I would encourage anybody to try this dvd, cause it's awesome. I found it pretty easy to stick to this workout, cause it was challenging, and I could feel the results from the first time I did it. ANYWAY.. Onto the results..

Below, is a picture of me, before I started the 30 day shred. I think it's actually the day that I started it. Yeah, I think it's gross, but I told myself I was gonna post this when it was all said and done.. so here goes..

And now, here is a picture that I took of me yesterday, day 29 of the shred..

I think that's a pretty nice difference in my stomach. I messed up with measurements in the beginning, so I don't know what my waist was when I started. But at day 16, I was at 30 inches.. now it's 27.5. So, 2.5 inches off of my waist in 14 days. Not too shabby.

I also lost 2 inches off my thighs. As for pounds, I told myself that I wasn't gonna gauge my results by pounds, because that's just a number, really. I knew I would gain muscle with this workout, which I have. However, I lost 7 pounds in a month. I was 148 the first few days that I started, and I'm at 141 now. I'm pretty happy with that. Am I done? No. But it's a start.

So pretty much, I'm really glad that I decided to do this. I can physically feel that I am stronger, and this has helped me out mentally as well. I feel a lot better in general, I'm able to stay more positive, and I'm really proud of myself for sticking to this. It's not easy, but it just takes will power and hard work, and I can do that any day. So this helped me get myself back on track, and now I plan to keep exercise as a part of my lifestyle. Daily, with a break when I need it, but I don't plan on slowing down anytime soon. It's become a part of me, that helps balance me out, and makes me feel a lot better overall. It's addictive, and I love it.

So I hope this makes somebody decide to do this for themselves. I hope that you all can see that it's possible, all it takes is some believing in yourself. If you want something, go after it, and don't stop until you get there. I've wanted to do something like this for a long time, and I finally realized that it was my time to go after it. You could do the same, in any aspect of your life. Work, school, personal aspects... it doesn't really matter.. it's all the same in the fact that once you put your mind to it and seek it out, you'll get where you wanna be. That's up to you to take the first step

Below, is my arm on my first day..

And this one, is only halfway through..

That's all I've got, folks. :)

It's time to be different.

2010-01-31T18:54:00.000-08:00

I'm a slacker when it comes to updating this thing, as you can see. What can I say, life gets in the way. But every now and then, I've gotta take a breather and let myself just write, or type things out. And who knows, somebody might actually care to know what's going on with me. *gasp* :) Day-to-day life for me mostly consists of working, since I picked up my second job back in October. I get pretty exhausted sometimes, but I still see it as a good thing. I'm grateful to have both of my jobs, some people don't have a job at all, or a roof over their head.. etc. I'm glad that I'm able to take care of myself and still maintain my independence through the rocky patches I've hit in the past year. If that means exhaustion, so be it. I'm still happy.

At this time last year, shit really hit the fan for me. Within a span of 3 days or so, my mom was arrested, I lost my job, and someone beat my car up pretty badly. I kept on truckin' though. I was able to focus on school, and I made 100+ in all of my classes except one, passed that one with a C. I wrote some of my best papers for school that semester. I moved into my own place, all of that good stuff. I took on the responsibility of having my mom come and live with me, which was pretty rough for me. We don't see eye to eye very often, so we had some pretty bad days. All in all, I think I did the right thing though. I feel like everything I did was taken for granted, which is what caused the problems, but I see it a little more clearly now. Sometimes people don't know how to show appreciation, because it wasn't ever shown to them. I'm somewhat the same way, I get it. I was denied for financial aid, so I enrolled in one class because my grandparents gave me money to cover one class. Well, I had to drop out because the text book I needed was more than I had in my bank account at the time. So, I had to withdraw from college. I had to use the money I got back to pay bills so I could have a roof over my head. I was in & out of 2 different relationships in 09, both ending pretty roughly. One of them was married, and had lied about being in the process of divorce, and the other randomly calls to say hey, I don't have any feelings for you, nice knowing you, etc. Once again, not being a downer about it, I'm glad that it happened. I'm a firm believer in the fact that things happen for a reason. I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't go through everything I've been through, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job.

On a lighter note - I met an amazing human being in November of 09. We decided to meet on a whim, and I can't really put all of that into words. So that should say a lot, lol. It's been a mind-boggling whirlwind of AWESOME. That's the best way I can put it.

I also took a really close look at myself towards the end of the year, and here in the past few weeks. I felt something eating at me but couldn't really put my finger on what it was. Oh - that's right - EATING. From september-decemberish.. I was doing a lot of stress-induced eating. Basically, other things were bothering me, and I was covering it up in that way. It's pretty common, I think a lot of people do it without realizing. I have always been kind of down on myself, I never really was taught to value myself or anything like that. And dealing with the kind of stuff I had to deal with growing up, pretty much smashed any self-worth that I had. As a kid, I always felt like I did something wrong, etc, blamed myself for a lot of things. And I have still been doing that in the past few years. It's a bad habit that I've had to "unlearn." Anyway, I decided that I was gonna take control of it. I've started doing the Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred, and it's been awesome. I'm only 10 days in, but the jeans are fitting a little better already, my arms and legs are stronger, and I feel great every time I finish a workout. I've been called every name in the book when it comes to how I look, but I don't care anymore. I am who I am, and I'm doing everything I can to be the best possible "me" that I can be. I'm learning how to give myself a little more credit for everything I do. There's nothing wrong with being proud of yourself, I see that now. I am more proud of myself, and feel better about myself right now than I ever have. I'm eating better, working out every day, I'm sleeping like a ROCK, and I'm just pretty breezy in dealing with life. I'm just handling it, and I love it. This is who I always wanted to be, and I'm doing it. I've got the best people in my life, and that helps a great deal, too.

I guess basically the point of this was to reflect on what all has happened in the past year or so, it helps me to see the progress I've made. I'm proud of where I'm at now. Things aren't perfect, and they won't ever be.. I accept that. But I'm willing to push through everything and keep my head up, and that's the most important thing. That's what seperates the strong from the weak, ya know? Never have I been and never will I be a weak person, it's mind over matter. It's a new year, a new perspective, a new life, a new me. I'm done rambling. :)

Love yall.

How to lose a hell date in 10 minutes

2009-11-12T22:46:00.000-08:00

So, this is just a little follow-up, from the last post here. I thought that I had gotten rid of the hell date guy, went about a week without hearing a thing, but apparently not. So, I took action. One of my good guy friends, Jason, suggested to me that I would have to 'get a little bitchy with it' in order to let my point hit home. With just a few short texts, and my best bitchy foot forward, I do believe I have succeeded. I don't really like being mean, but I'm not about to keep being nice & giving the wrong impression, just a waste of time.

So.. a text comes through the phone..

Hell Date: Hey whatcha doing up this late?
Me: How do you know I'm up?
Hell Date: I saw you online when I was checking my messages, lol.
Me: Okay.
Hell Date: So do you miss me? lol.
Me: No. I miss Mike, actually.
Hell Date: Oh,Ok..................
Me: Yeah.
Hell Date: Well I guess i'll say goodbye then, I'm glad you found somebody, tell bitty I said hi.
Me: Awesome. Bye.
Hell Date: Wow! I guess you really didn't like me, huh?
Me: I thought I had made that pretty clear.
Hell Date: Sorry I wasn't good enough
Me: Guilt trips don't work on me, don't go there.

& that was that. so hopefully now, I won't hear anything else outta this guy. Maybe I laid the bitchiness on a little thick, but damn, he didn't seem to comprehend it any other way.

That is all. Goodnight.

Hell date..

2009-11-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

So.. have you ever been on a date.. and you start thinking to yourself.. when are the people gonna pop out with their cameras and tell me this is a joke?! Yeah.. I know that feeling now. So, I have compiled this list of things that a person should NOT do on a date.. Feel free to take notes, or just laugh your ass off.

1. Don't show up early, unannounced, on the first 'date.'
-Yeah. Don't do that. Here's a thought - Let the person know that you are on your way into town so that they can actually.. I dunno.. Get ready? Yeah, give them a little bit of a heads up instead of making them rush because you decided to show up unannounced.

2. Don't tell a girl that she looks fat.
-I would think this would be a given. But yeah, whether you're joking or not, it's really not funny. You probably shouldn't call me "chubs" the first time you meet me. It goes a little something like this..
Me: Yeah, I ate too much ice cream today..
Hell date: I can tell, Chubs.
Me: Uh.. did you just call me a fat ass?
Hell date: Im kidding!
Me: Uh... not funny. *flips the middle finger*
Yeah.. It happened like that. Maybe it was rude of me to flip him off.. okay, it WAS rude. But uh... don't call me fat. Got it?

3. Don't tell your entire life story.
-There's not anything wrong with being open. As a matter of fact, that's fine. But just because I told you I'm going to school to be a psychologist, doesn't mean you need to lay in my floor and tell me all of your problems. Keep it light, seriously. Oh... you have a son? Oh that's cool.. Generally something you should tell someone upfront, but alright. You live with your parents? Oh wow... errr... yeah cool... So.. what time is your curfew again? :)

4. Quit thinking you're gonna change me.
-I set expectations from the start.. I am not looking for someone to be with. I just got out of a relationship, I'm not ready to get into anything right this second. I was telling him what happened with me and my ex, cause he wanted to know.. and then he says "well, did u ever just think that you can do better? I think you're doing better now." Uhhhh... don't give yourself that much credit. Seriously. Get outta here with that. Also, quit talking about how good our communication is. You've talked to me for a day. Stop talking about how we're perfect for each other. Stop trying to convince yourself that I'm goo-goo-gah-gah over you, bless your heart.

5. Don't call ten minutes after you leave to say you miss me.
-Okay.. apparently you really aren't getting my vibes here. I flipped you off, I was on Twitter while you sat here and blabbed on about how you wanted to fall in love, and you call me when you get 10 minutes up the road. And again when you get home. Don't you think it's strange that it went straight to voicemail both times? I wonder why that happened... Gee...

6. Don't try to slow dance with me to the song at the end of the movie credits.
-Yeah... um... don't do that either. That's why I hurried up & turned the movie off. Knock it off, that's just a little weird.

7. Just because I'm not on the same page as you, doesn't mean there's something wrong with me.
-He managed to tell me that there 'must be something wrong with me' since I didn't wanna find somebody & be loved, etc. Err.. I wanna find that.. ONE DAY.. WHEN IT'S RIGHT.. just cause I know that's never happening with you, doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. Let's just wake up and smell the coffee.

I am sure that I could keep adding onto this list, of things that this hell date did wrong.. but yeah.. This is the biggest part of it. Hopefully this gave someone a good laugh, cause I was laughing as I wrote it.

Take care.

Poem

2009-07-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

I don't wanna be too cliche,
Although, I must say,
I'm just looking for the right words,
Something you've never heard.
I'm calling you red bull cause you give me wings,
How you make me laugh at the smallest things,
Just a little note, from me to you,
Something to look back to.
A little something to make you smile,
That alone makes it worthwhile,
Cause although I've tried, there's no words that I can say,
To truly show you how you brighten my day.

Another poem

2009-05-28T17:54:00.000-07:00

Every minute, of every day
So many things I want to say
But time gets in the way
& It’s my heart that has to pay
Cause where I’m standing now
I don’t know where to go
Maybe some things in this life
I’m just not meant to know
I’m standing on the edge
The water’s getting deep
Maybe I’ll make it alright
If I just take the leap
Cause my mind is telling my heart,
“Baby it’s time you let this go..”
I’ll never leave where I am
If I keep telling myself so
Cause the waves may crash against me
And the waters may be cold
But unhappy is no way to be
It’s no way to grow old
And I’ll never be anything different
If I don’t decide to be
Time to dive in head first,
And set my soul free.

5/27/09
Holly Lee

It's been almost a month.

2009-05-12T17:56:00.000-07:00

well it's been almost a month since I've blogged, as you can see. Actually, tomorrow will be a month since my last post. Tomorrow is my mom's court date, and I'm nervous as hell. I'm just hoping and praying that no matter what happens, I can be strong. I always felt like I was the strong one of the bunch, but it's a little bit of a different story behind closed doors. I tend to come off as handling things well to other people, but it all really bothers me when I'm alone. And I'm alone a lot of the time lately. I hate being negative so much on my blog, but I feel like this is really the only place I have to talk about all of this. I don't have anyone here that I can talk to. I used to be able to talk to my boyfriend about things, he's been like my best friend for about a year, but I can't talk to him when he's never here. I sit at home by myself a lot. Still trying to find a job, still trying to be positive and not worry about the things I can't change. I figured things would become easier bit by bit, day by day, but it feels like the oppositte is happening. It feels like all of these negative feelings are just compounding on my heart, and that I can't shake these feelings no matter what I do. I really hate the way that things are right now. I hate that I have let myself get to this point, where I feel as low as I do about myself. I keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, but I feel like it's flickering out. I've got a hard day coming tomorrow, and I'm terrified. And now I'm crying as I write this...

I'm trying so hard to get to the core of myself, to find the strength that I once had, and to be tough. But I am so scared, and feeling so hopeless, that I can't hide it anymore. I'm ready to tell my boyfriend to hit the highway, but I know what that will do to me. I just feel like I'm on the back burner in his life, still. We've been going days without seeing each other, and we never used to do that. I told him he could stay with me when I got my own place, and he seemed excited about the idea, but he's not here. I left a closet empty for him in my room, I gave him a key, but he hasn't moved in here. He had talked before I moved like he would help me with my bills and everything, but he's not. I never want a man to take care of me, but in a way I resent him for going back on his word. I resent him for putting me on the back burner, and for not being here for me right now, when I really need someone most of all. After all the time I sacrificed to be there for him, he can't seem to do the same for me. It really does hurt.

I guess right now I'm just afraid of the uncertainty I'm facing. I feel like I have no idea where my life is going, and I'm just scared of the outcome of everything. I sleep way too much now, and I think I do it just so I don't have to be awake and sit here and feel like this. I know this is all depressing but it's me, and it's how I'm feeling. If I didn't write it out somewhere, I'd hold it all in until I just explode, which I feel like I'm about to do anyways. So I will quit rambling now.

a poem..

2009-04-13T13:10:00.000-07:00

Of all the things I ever hoped to be,
what I've chased most is "happy.."
But looking back won't get me anywhere,
faith is what will take me there.
I may be facing a wall of doubt,
but my flame will never flicker out,
that little light shining in the dark,
comes from the bottom of my heavy heart.
The ones who said "you've got it all wrong,"
and the ones who believed in me all along,
have equally pushed me to shine,
to take my life & make it "mine."
Hard times will come & go,
but there's one thing that I know,
when odds stacked against me, I took them down,
the quiet one, never making a sound.
The places I've been & the places I'll go,
the people i've met, & those I've yet to know,
the broken pieces fit together beautifully,
they are what makes me, "me."

~Holly Nichole, 4/13/2009

La di da..

2009-04-13T09:13:00.000-07:00

So I went and visited my mom on friday, and she had gotten a few letters from the people who sent them to me already. I asked her if she liked it & she said it made her cry to see that people that don't even know her were reaching out to her. I'm the same way, all of the people who have been commenting on these personal blogs & giving me some encouragement have really helped. It makes me emotional, too to see people reach out to me when I'm basically a stranger to them. I've been pondering the idea of going and talking to a counselor, but I can't really afford it right now. I may be able to see if I can get in somewhere, some places offer a program that allows people who don't have jobs to still get help. I actually worked up the courage back in Jan. of 2007 to call and tell our mental health center that I needed to talk to someone, and had the appointment scheduled and everything. I was shaking in my boots when I got there because the idea scares me. Kinda silly since I'm going to school to eventually be a counselor. But talking about my problems face to face with someone is hard for me because I tend to get emotional and then I feel silly. But I got there, and signed in, and they told me that they didn't take the insurance that I had. It would be $90 for the first visit and $60 for visits after that. I was making about 6.00 and hour at the time, so that was pretty much out of the question. So I basically wrote off the idea of talking to someone since then. And I have had friends over the years that I felt like I could talk to, but it seems like they're not there when I need them, only when they need me. And with as much as I've been going through, I think it's a lot for one person to hear & process all of it. I can't process half of it myself. It really is like a bad dream sometimes, because I want to have some sense of control over everything, and I feel like I have none. i want to help people, but I have to realize that their problems are just that, their problems. I cannot fix someone who doesn't want to fix themselves. I think that's the hardest part of it for me. Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling here, so I'll hush now. :)

When it rains, it pours.

2009-04-05T21:59:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a little while since I've blogged anything here. But believe me, that doesn't mean nothing has been going on. Quite a bit has been going on, actually. On the 23rd I moved into my apartment, and I've been working on getting it all set up and comfortable. I'm starting to feel pretty settled into it. I wish everything else was that simple right now, but it's not. I'm having a hard time making the smallest decisions lately. I went out to eat with my boyfriend last night and I started feeling a lot of anxiety all of the sudden. I've been getting dizzy lately, and I'm wondering if it's just stress. It feels like everything is just building and building, and I'm here waiting for it to all fall down on me. I feel so many emotions inside of me dying to get out, but when I open my mouth to talk about it - nothing. I can't put anything into words. Tonight is another night where I haven't talked to my boyfriend in about 5 hours, don't know where he is or anything. I feel like he could at least let me know where he's going, so that I don't sit here and worry or think the wrong things. He knows me, and knows everything I'm dealing with emotionally right now, I don't know why he'd want to make that any worse on me. I don't feel like I can handle much more of it. Sometimes when I go and see my mom, she holds herself together and we just talk like nothing's wrong. Then other times, her anxiety and her fears are getting to her, and she breaks down and cries. And I'm sitting there, looking at her through glass, I can't even reach over and give her a hug, and that's all I want to do. Then in my mind I realize it could be many years before I get to hug her. And my mind goes back to the week before she was arrested, she was staying with me. It was really the first time in a long time that I got to spend time like that with her. We stayed up some nights, watching tv and just having fun together. I was 10 the last time I lived with my mom, and I feel like I've missed out on so much. But all of that runs through my head when I'm sitting there talking to her, talking into those static-y phones, my tears running down it. It makes me realize how much I've taken for granted, and how much I miss her. I've watched mental illness and alcoholism change her into somebody that I know she's not. That has been so hard. It probably plays a part into why I'm studying to be a psychologist, I want to help people with problems like that. Because maybe then I can save somebody else's kids from going through the kind of heartache I've been going through. It's hard for me to open up and write about all of this, but I feel like I need to. I can't keep it inside, and there's nobody here to talk to. Sometimes just writing it out takes some of the pain of it away.

If anyone here would be interested in writing my mom a letter of encouragement, either comment me here or send me an email, hollymarkafterdark@hotmail.com I've gotten several people to help with it already, and I think it'll mean a lot to her to see that people care. Just a prayer, or a few words of wisdom. I'm taking emails or if you wanna do snail mail, that works, too. I've blasted this idea on my Twitter so most of you have probably seen it already, just thought I'd throw it out there.

Thanks for listening.

Another personal post.

2009-03-16T16:45:00.000-07:00

Talking, or Blogging about things going on lately is helping me out more than I thought it would. I used to write all the time several years ago, in journals and diaries. I forgot how good it feels to get things out in the open so they're not bottled up inside. I'm having some issues that I don't really understand at the moment. I had to have a talk with my boyfriend about 2 weeks ago about how I felt like I was being put kind of on the back burner. Well, I am still feeling that way, so I brought it up again last night. He doesn't really understand why I'm feeling that way. Well, right now he's just starting a business here in town, it's taking a lot of his time to get it on the right track. It was run by a complete moron before, and so they changed the name and all and he's going into it 50/50 with another guy. He's been working a lot out there trying to get everything organized and don't get me wrong, I understand that. But at the same time, I've been dealing with so much lately that when I have needed to talk, he's not here. Or when he is here, he's tired. Things are lacking in all departments, & i'm not sure how I feel about it all. I manage to make time for him, I feel like he should be able to do the same. Today he told me that he didn't know what to say about it, just that he was sorry I felt that way. And that he doesn't love me any less, just that he's trying to do everything the right way so he doesn't miss out on the opportunity. Am I stupid for feeling neglected? I sit here by myself so much. My friends here, aren't real friends. They're the type that calls me when they have a problem, and can't be found when I need somebody. Same goes with my family, it's all about what I can do to benefit them. And I'm really tired of feeling like this. I feel like I don't have anybody :(

Indifferent.

2009-03-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

I should be going to sleep soon, and I will. I just have alot of things on my mind tonight. A lot of things that I wish I didn't have to think about or feel. I try to make sense of life & things going on around me but sometimes, I just can't. Sometimes I feel like I put so much focus on being strong that I end up being so weak. With everything that's been going on lately, I need an outlet. But I've yet to find anything that really makes me feel any different or any better. Kind of like I'm shouting out to the world that I'm hurting, but all I hear is an empty echo. When I need to talk, nobody's around. And when I have the opportunity to get it out, I can't find the words. I have things that I *should* be excited for, but I don't feel anything. I'm moving into my own place friday, everyone is asking if I'm getting excited yet, and I should be, but I'm not. It's like I don't even really care. I should be proud of myself for paying my way through school, but all I can think of are the things I'm not doing. I can't find my way out of these feelings lately.

Not sure how to cope.

2009-03-13T13:20:00.000-07:00

I decided to go & see my mom at the jail today. It makes me happy that I at least get to see her, but it makes me sad when she's sad. She's been on a lot of anti-depressants & anti-anxiety drugs for about 13 years. There's one of her anxiety medicines that the jail won't give to her, they said it's 'addictive.' Okay... most drugs like that *are* addictive, but her doctor prescribed it to her, so what right do they have to not let her have it? She told me today she feels like she's going crazy. It's been a month and 10 days that she's been in there. I just don't see how they can deny her of her medicine. It makes me angry, too. Because I see that she's having a hard time dealing with everything right now, and there's not really anything I can do about it. She doesn't know when they're going to do her psychiatric evaluation, she doesn't know when her trial is going to be. Not knowing is driving her crazy, she's just sitting and waiting with no idea about what's going to happen. And it hurts me, because it hurts her. I hate feeling helpless about anything, especially when one of my family members needs help.

The card above is one that I bought to send her. I figured it would make her feel a little bit better at least, or at least make her smile. It's from http://www.kittykatkards.etsy.com Very beautiful card, I just got it today. :)

Anyways, thanks for listening. Sometimes i just need to get things off my chest so I can breathe a little easier.

-Holly

I've been practicing crochet..

2009-03-12T13:58:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to learn crochet for SO long!! So I finally bought some yarn, and a few different sizes of hooks, and I've been learning! Youtube has been great in helping me learn single & double crochet. My biggest problem is trying to keep the stiches loose! and sometimes it seems like my yarn wants to unravel a little bit. Anyhoo, here are some pictures of what i've been doing - double crochet! :)

On a happier note..

2009-03-11T15:44:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend & I went to Mammoth Cave near Bowling Green, Ky on sunday. We hiked the New Entrance tour, it was beautiful! Just thought I'd share these pictures with you.

So ready to MOVE!!!

2009-03-10T18:12:00.000-07:00

Oh boy, yesterday was a doozie. I came home from running errands, and all of that good stuff around 4 o' clock. Only to find out that the power was cut off. My dad & the landlord aren't on the best of terms, so I assumed she called and had it cut off. My boyfriend came over & we tried to figure out what we'd do for the night. So I called my dad, and he got ahold of the electric company. They charge $75 to turn the power on after hours. He told them to go ahead and come out here, so my boyfriend and I waited on the porch for them to show up.

Once they got here, we found out what really happened. The electrician tells me that the meter was never turned off, and told us to check the breaker. It's in a utility room attached to the back of the house. That's when we saw the main disconnect had been pulled out!!! At that point, I'm furious. I knew the landlord came over here and did that, and she was the last person I wanted to see at that point. So the electrician leaves..

And guess who shows up then? Yes, the landlord. My boyfriend answered the door and she asked for me to come outside.

Landlord: Do you know why your power is shut off?

Me: No, I don't.

Landlord: Your daddy owes me $550 (rent, it's only 4 days late)

Me: Okay, I didn't know that.

Landlord: You didn't know?

Me: No, he didn't tell me that, he doesn't fill me in.

Landlord: Well you all need to find somewhere else to go.

Me: I'm moving out in 11 days.

Landlord: And you'll do without power for 11 days, too.

At this point, I was ready to slap the bitch. But i just said "I've got to get away from you." and I walked back into the house. My hands were shaking, I wanted to hit her *so* bad. She came over here with an attitude, and I don't appreciate her going into our building, that had little "lock" on it.

At that point, my boyfriend stayed out there and talked to her. It went something like this..

Boyfriend: You're not doing anything but hurting her. She was working fulltime, she works her ass off to take care of herself. She's getting ready to leave here.

Landlord: Well if she's working fulltime why can't she pay it herself?

Boyfriend: Because she's paying to put herself through school, that's why.

Landlord: If I was strong enough I would have cut the water off, too.

Boyfriend: I work with alot of real estate, and you cannot do that. Legally, you cannot come in and pull the fuses out like that. It has to be done legally, and you have to give them some type of notice.

Landlord: And who are you?

Boyfriend: I'm her boyfriend.

Landlord : Well she needs to get her shit out of here.

Boyfriend: She is as soon as she can.

Landlord: and her dad needs to get all these pieces of shit out of here, too. (referring to his cars)

I'm not sure what all was said, basically he put her in her place and let her know that she can't do things the way she's doing them. She got mad because she knew he was right, and she left. So then we called the police. They came over and talked to us, told us what we needed to do and everything. I had just bought groceries that were going bad in the fridge, etc.

So today me & my dad went and found a part to replace what she took, was only $25 and now I have power! We put a lock on the utility room, on the fence for the backyard, and there is also a no trespassing sign up. So if she comes and takes that one out, that we bought with our own money, not only is it breaking & entering, but it's theft.

The police officer also told us that we can settle this in civil court, he said we have a good case. So my dad & I will probably go and talk to the district attorney in the morning. I saved receipts from where I had to eat out because I didn't have power to make anything, and I have my grocery receipts, too. And if she comes back tonight, or any night that I'm here for the next 10 days until I move, I'm answering the door with my tazer in hand. I'll see how much she wants to get in my face and talk to me like i'm trash then. She was in the wrong in all of this, and it's gonna be taken care of.

Pasta Pizza Recipe

2009-03-04T18:45:00.000-08:00

I had the best dinner tonight, pasta pizza! A very quick & easy recipe, so I decided to share! There weren't any leftovers from this!

You will need:

5 oz. dried rotini (2 cups)

1 beaten egg

1/4 cup milk

2 tablespoons grated parmesan cheese

8 oz. ground beef

1 1/2 cups chunky garden-style pasta sauce

1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

1. Cook rotini as directed on the package. Drain well.

2. For pasta crust, in a large bowl combine beaten egg, milk, and parmesan cheese. Stir in drained rotini. Spread mixture evenly in a greased 12 inch pizza pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, cook ground beef until brown. Drain. Stir in pasta sauce. Spoon mixture over baked rotini crust, sprinkle with mozzarella cheese. You can also sprinkle pepperoni, sweet pepper, olives, etc over the top along with the cheese.

4. Bake at 350 for 10 to 12 more minutes, until heated thoroughly and the cheese is melted. To serve, cut into wedges.

Enjoy!!

-Holly

In high hopes.

2009-03-03T12:57:00.000-08:00

I'm finally starting to feel a little happier lately. I was able to talk to my mom last night for about 15 minutes, and also got a letter from her in the mail today. It seems as though things are looking up a little bit. I went to her court date yesterday, and they decided that her trial is going to go to the Grand Jury. Right now she's waiting to be endited by them, and she's also waiting to find out when she's having her psychiatric evaluation done. I think she said it could be a month or two before she gets to leave, but they're going to keep her at a mental health institution while the evaluation is going on, for 30 days or so. That might sound like bad news to some, but it makes me a little relieved. Having the evalution should help her case out, and I also think she needs it. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that she wakes up through all of this and gets help. I'm sure they'll put her in some kind or rehab or program once it's all over with. Right now, it's just a matter of waiting.

She wrote my brother & sister asking them to help out some with the financial part of it, as far as in taking her money and all of that. So hopefully things in that department will improve, too. Not having a job & being the one who does the majority of it is a little messed up to me, but oh well. I'll continue to do what I can to help her, because she's still my mom and I still love her regardless of all of this. I know she's not a bad person and that she just has issues that need to be taken care of. You don't write somebody off because they have problems, you try to help them and be there for support. That's my opinion, anyway.

So my blog will be leaning more towards the personal side, and I'm going to try and write in here when I need to. I can't let it all build up inside of me, I've learned that lesson before. Thanks for listening..

-Holly

Cora Paige's Playground Benefit Sale

2009-02-21T09:36:00.000-08:00

Most of you have probably heard about little Cora Paige. She was diagnosed with cancer and passed shortly after, and not even a year old yet. There is a benefit going on to raise money for the Cora Paige Playground Benefit. There are many Etsy sellers participating in this, and I'd like to share those with you.

Follow this link and you'll find lots of items:
http://www.etsy.com/search_results.php?search_type=tag_title&search_query=Cora+Paige

Also, I have decided to use all proceeds from my other shop to donate to this family. I've managed to sell one item so far, and every little bit helps.

http://www.hollymark08.etsy.com

If nothing else, take a moment to stop by the family's blog and show your support, they surely do need it right now. I can't even imagine what they're going through.

http://themcclenahans.blogspot.com/

If you'd rather donate money instead of purchasing benefit items, you can do so directly through PayPal at their website:
http://www.corapaige.com/

Thanks for taking the time to read, God bless!
-Holly

I need to vent.

2009-02-20T16:24:00.000-08:00

I normally wouldn't do this here, but I really need to get this off my chest.

I made plans to go see one of my friends where she works tonight. Haven't seen her in quite a while, and she doesn't know about anything new in my life. I haven't gotten the chance to tell her about me losing my job, that my mom's in jail, that I have a new boyfriend or that I'm moving out soon. I like to let people know what's going on with me. I used to work with her and we were always pretty good friends. She really upset me tonight though.

I am dating a guy that is 26 years my senior. I know that some people don't agree with that because they think it's 'gross' or whatever, but I really don't care. I can expect for strangers to look at us funny, because they do. But I really don't care what strangers think of me. Friends and family are the ones that matter most. My family is accepting of it because they see how happy I am, and that's really all they care about. They've met him, they know what kind of person he is, and they can see how good he treats me. In my opinion, that's all that matters. I'm 20 years old, was 19 when we met. I never in a million years dreamt we'd date but the more we talked the more we had in common, the more I liked him. He has kids that are close to my age but they're younger than me, 2 sons.

She wanted to know about him so she pretty much freaked out on me when I said he was older. Of course, the age difference was the only thing she was thinking about. It pretty much doesn't matter how happy I am, or that I have somebody I can connect with so well. Honestly, I never would have guessed we'd be where we are now, but we are. And I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I have somebody that treats me with respect, that loves me for who I am, that always reminds me how proud he is of me, somebody that I feel so complete with. I cannot control my heart or who I fall in love with, and I never tried to. I feel like if i wrote him off simply because of the age difference, I could be missing out on alot.

She just lectured me about it and when I started getting mad enough that I wanted to start swinging, I walked off from her. I can't sit there and listen to somebody lecture me about it when they really don't know anything about the relationship. It doesn't hurt anyone, or effect anyone else's lives. He's met most of my family, and they all love him. I just thought that a friend would be a little more open and realize that I'm happy, and that should be all she's worried about. We've been dating 7 months, he's never tried to pressure me about anything, has never put me down, anything like that. The last guy I was with made comments about my body not being good enough and things like that, and she asks me if I'm wanting to go back with him. WTF?

I just don't understand people I guess. I'm happy with the one I'm with. I don't really care about the age difference. I get along way better with him than I do with anybody my age. I've been through alot and I'm not a partier or wild child or any of that like alot of people tend to be at my age. I have goals in life and I know where I'm going, I'm pretty stable. That's why we get along so well. I just don't understand why that's so hard for people.

Sorry to rant, I just needed to talk about it.

This year is off to a bad start already.

2009-01-31T12:22:00.001-08:00

Well. I'm not sure how this happened. We had an ice storm here and a branch was laying behind my car (you can see it in my previous post) but I never saw it laying on my car. Also, all the snow/ice was melted away yesterday, and I was in and out of my car all day, and this wasn't there. I know I would have seen it. Now the question is, how did it happen and who would do this to me?

Ice storms suck.

2009-01-29T14:12:00.000-08:00

We had an ice storm come through monday, I just now got my power back on (and hoping it stays on!) I took some pictures outside of my house.

Day one
Day one again

Day two, my car almost knocked out by a branch

My front yard

Kerosene heater we used last night while the power was still out.

I'm hoping the power stays on this time! It has been nuts around here. A lot of people still don't have power yet, I'm so glad I do!

Sad & confused..

2009-01-26T17:40:00.000-08:00

So, I work in a factory that makes automotive sealing. I was laid off temporarily for a month, and today was supposed to be my first day back. We had a meeting as soon as we got there, and basically, they are going to let go of 100 more people. That's 1/5 of the factory, and there are going to be more layoffs if the economy doesn't pick up ( and it's looking pretty bleak.)

Well, there are several different platforms at work. Once the meeting was over - Ford, Honda & 180L all went back to work. I work in 500N, and we were told to stay after because 'we had to talk a little bit.'

They then told us that while we were laid off, the number of product they needed from us got even lower. They said they didn't have any work for us, and we would be laid off for the rest of this week.

This layoff starts with people that were hired March of 07 & after. I was hired February 27th, 2007. Barely missing the layoff. (which tells me I'll get hit next time) The severance pay this time is $1000 less than it was in november, when they let go of 56 employees. Also, if we stay, we are not guaranteed 40 hours a week. As a matter of fact, the 1st shift has only been working about 3 days a week. Meaning, I'd make more drawing unemployment than I would working.

Also, if i choose the layoff, I will get school paid for for 2 years. I will also get unemployment while I'm a fulltime student, and I'm currently a fulltime student now.

I'm afraid that if I stay, they will try to move me to 1st shift, as they have done this with people already. I cannot work 1st shift because I have classes, that I can't get my money back for, and I won't drop out of school for a factory. I'm also afraid that if I stay, I'll indefinently be hit by the next layoff, and may not recieve any severance pay. Or be fired when I refuse to go to 1st shift.

My question is, what would YOU do? I've got to make a decision on this by noon on wednesday, and I know I'll be taking a chance either way.

Leaving - I get $500, a week's worth of pay & draw unemployment ($722 every 2 weeks)

Staying - I might get laid off soon anyway, and won't be working my 40 hours.

Peaceful..

2009-01-25T10:10:00.000-08:00

This first picture is one my boyfriend took of me when we went on vacation in December. This was at Cumberland Falls, in Corbin, Kentucky. One of my favorite places by far. :)

I searched for waterfalls on Google a few weeks ago, and found some beautiful ones. I figured this could bring some peace & relaxation into everyone's day today. :)

I hope you enjoy these and have a relaxing Sunday!
-Holly

One of my newest Items..

2009-01-24T20:14:00.000-08:00

This is one of the newest items in my shop, and I love it! I've been running out of ideas with my 'mature' items, but I'm glad this one came to mind!

What do ya think?

I got tagged!!

2009-01-24T11:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, I was tagged by my friend, you can find her here:

http://beautifullychaotic-mikki.blogspot.com/

I'm supposed to list 8 random things about myself, so I'll try to make this interesting!

1. I drive a yellow 2000 VW beetle. =)

2. I'm going to school to be a psychologist.

3. I'm dating someone who is 26 years my senior (but I love him to pieces!!)

4. My biggest passion is probably my poetry.

5. I walked to wal-mart when I was 10, and the cops picked me up. Lol!

6. The first poem I ever wrote (I was 10) was published.

7. I have a 4 year old chihuahua named Bitty. He's like my son, he's sitting beside me right now.

8. I handmake 'mature' items, the kind you'd give as a gag gift or see at a bachelor/bachelorette party. http://www.hollymarkafterdark.etsy.com/

Hope that wasn't too boring!

I'm off to leave comments on who I'm tagging =)

What are you getting your honey for Valentine's Day?

2009-01-23T13:07:00.001-08:00

I was wondering, what are you getting your man for valentine's day? I just finished this poetry book for my boyfriend, but I can't hold off until Valentine's Day, I think he'll have to have it tonight, lol. We're supposed to go on a little vacation that weekend!

So, what are you getting your man?

Pictures, Pictures, Pictures!

2009-01-23T10:10:00.000-08:00

Collage I put together of pictures & other things from things me and my boyfriend have done

My boyfriend made this for me..

And this too!

I know I'm a nerd.. me & my 3D glasses from My Bloody Valentine

I look mad as hell but really, I'm tired. I stayed up past 9AM today.

Leave some love, Love ya!

Holly

Featured Etsy Seller: Adorkable Crochet

2009-01-19T16:45:00.000-08:00

Adorkable Crochet: For the young (or young at heart!)

I'm very excited to bring you my first featured Etsy seller: Adorkable Crochet! You can find her shop at http://www.adorkable1.etsy.com/

I've chosen 3 of my favorite pieces from her shop to share with all of you. The picture on the left is my favorite item in her shop! I love the style & detail of the shawl, and the picture is perfect. The beach setting makes this item totally *pop* to me! This is just one of the great finds in her shop, and only $30.00

Adorkable Crochet (a.k.a Rebecca) has been crocheting since she was 8 years old. Her grandmother passed this skill onto her, and she says she's loved it ever since! But I think you can tell she enjoys her work simply by the detail and quality in each of her pieces. Rebecca loves to crochet because it's a flexible craft. She can crochet while watching tv, or while watching her little one. She creates new, unique pieces to keep herself from getting bored with it.

This newborn hat is another of my favorites in her shop. Look at that cute little baby! His little face makes me feel like I *need* to buy one of these (but I don't even have a baby, hehe.) This little hat is a great deal at only $10.00

I asked Rebecca what would be a piece of advice she'd give to all the new Etsy sellers. She says don't stress about getting that first sale, and I agree! It takes time to get your name out there and reach the people you need to reach. Great advice!

Last but not least, another of my favorite pieces in her shop. A black and light pink neckwarmer! Such a cute accessory, and great for this time of year. It's made from Merino wool, so it's very soft! A steal of a deal at $15.00

A last little tidbit that Rebecca wanted to share is that she's 26 years old, happily married, and lives in California. She's also the mother to a precious little boy who's almost a year old!

She likes to show that crocheting doesn't have to be for the 'older' crowd, young people can enjoy it too! She's even created her own skull & crossbones pattern, impressive!

Leave a comment and show her some love! And don't forget to check out her shop at: http://www.adorkable1.etsy.com/

Thanks for reading, and come back sometime! =)

-Holly

Would you like to be featured?

2009-01-19T14:36:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody. I'm going to start featuring Etsy shops on my blog, maybe 1 or two days a week. If anyone is interested in this, Just answer the questions below in a comment!

1. What is your craft? How did you learn it?
2. What is your favorite thing about your craft?
3. How long have you done your craft?
4. What is one piece of advice you'd give to new Etsy members?
5. If there's anything else you'd like to add, do so!

Thanks! Hope I get a few takers. =)

-Holly

Calling all Bachelor & Bachelorette party planners! =)

2009-01-17T15:55:00.000-08:00

I've been adding inventory in my shop the past 2 weeks or so, I'm up to 29 items! My poor little blog has been neglected, heh. I've also been dealing with some tough family problems lately, so I haven't been as involved or productive as I'd like to be. But! I don't go back to schoool until wednesday, so between tonight and tuesday night I plan on adding more items and staying more active with this blog! Here are some of my latest creations..

The Pecker Pack! Any 4 for $20

Pink & White Swirl Vagina magnet!

Another of my Valentine's Items..

And another =)

Pretty pink heart =)

Thanks for stopping by!

Insomnia.

2009-01-11T01:43:00.000-08:00

I really should be sleeping right now, but oh well. For some reason I just can't, haha. Probably because I start back to school Monday morning, and the nerves are kicking in already. Yay for my first blog post!

I just added those little guys to my etsy shop tonight, they're perfect for valentines gifts!

I guess I'm going to TRY and sleep now, have a good night!