30 Day Shred.

So, 30 days ago, I started doing the 30 day shred dvd. Most of you have probably heard of it, Jillian Michaels is the one who made it. Well, it's awesome. It's a 30 day workout, that you do every day. There are 3 levels, you do each for 10 days, or until you're ready to go to the next level. Each is made up of 3 circuits, and each circuit has 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio, and 1 minute of abs. This mix is supposed to help rev up your metabolism and keep your heart rate up to help you lose more weight.

In addition to doing the shred every day, some days I would do 30 minutes to an hour on the elliptical. Some days I would do levels 1 & 2, instead of just doing one level of the Shred. I felt like the 20 minute workout wasn't really enough, even though I was sweating pretty hard every time I did the workout. I didn't really start doing the extra cardio until about the halfway mark, around day 15 or 16. Once I started doing that, I was doing it daily.

So pretty much, I would encourage anybody to try this dvd, cause it's awesome. I found it pretty easy to stick to this workout, cause it was challenging, and I could feel the results from the first time I did it. ANYWAY.. Onto the results..

Below, is a picture of me, before I started the 30 day shred. I think it's actually the day that I started it. Yeah, I think it's gross, but I told myself I was gonna post this when it was all said and done.. so here goes..

And now, here is a picture that I took of me yesterday, day 29 of the shred..

I think that's a pretty nice difference in my stomach. I messed up with measurements in the beginning, so I don't know what my waist was when I started. But at day 16, I was at 30 inches.. now it's 27.5. So, 2.5 inches off of my waist in 14 days. Not too shabby.

I also lost 2 inches off my thighs. As for pounds, I told myself that I wasn't gonna gauge my results by pounds, because that's just a number, really. I knew I would gain muscle with this workout, which I have. However, I lost 7 pounds in a month. I was 148 the first few days that I started, and I'm at 141 now. I'm pretty happy with that. Am I done? No. But it's a start.

So pretty much, I'm really glad that I decided to do this. I can physically feel that I am stronger, and this has helped me out mentally as well. I feel a lot better in general, I'm able to stay more positive, and I'm really proud of myself for sticking to this. It's not easy, but it just takes will power and hard work, and I can do that any day. So this helped me get myself back on track, and now I plan to keep exercise as a part of my lifestyle. Daily, with a break when I need it, but I don't plan on slowing down anytime soon. It's become a part of me, that helps balance me out, and makes me feel a lot better overall. It's addictive, and I love it.

So I hope this makes somebody decide to do this for themselves. I hope that you all can see that it's possible, all it takes is some believing in yourself. If you want something, go after it, and don't stop until you get there. I've wanted to do something like this for a long time, and I finally realized that it was my time to go after it. You could do the same, in any aspect of your life. Work, school, personal aspects... it doesn't really matter.. it's all the same in the fact that once you put your mind to it and seek it out, you'll get where you wanna be. That's up to you to take the first step

Below, is my arm on my first day..

And this one, is only halfway through..

That's all I've got, folks. :)

It's time to be different.

I'm a slacker when it comes to updating this thing, as you can see. What can I say, life gets in the way. But every now and then, I've gotta take a breather and let myself just write, or type things out. And who knows, somebody might actually care to know what's going on with me. *gasp* :) Day-to-day life for me mostly consists of working, since I picked up my second job back in October. I get pretty exhausted sometimes, but I still see it as a good thing. I'm grateful to have both of my jobs, some people don't have a job at all, or a roof over their head.. etc. I'm glad that I'm able to take care of myself and still maintain my independence through the rocky patches I've hit in the past year. If that means exhaustion, so be it. I'm still happy.

At this time last year, shit really hit the fan for me. Within a span of 3 days or so, my mom was arrested, I lost my job, and someone beat my car up pretty badly. I kept on truckin' though. I was able to focus on school, and I made 100+ in all of my classes except one, passed that one with a C. I wrote some of my best papers for school that semester. I moved into my own place, all of that good stuff. I took on the responsibility of having my mom come and live with me, which was pretty rough for me. We don't see eye to eye very often, so we had some pretty bad days. All in all, I think I did the right thing though. I feel like everything I did was taken for granted, which is what caused the problems, but I see it a little more clearly now. Sometimes people don't know how to show appreciation, because it wasn't ever shown to them. I'm somewhat the same way, I get it. I was denied for financial aid, so I enrolled in one class because my grandparents gave me money to cover one class. Well, I had to drop out because the text book I needed was more than I had in my bank account at the time. So, I had to withdraw from college. I had to use the money I got back to pay bills so I could have a roof over my head. I was in & out of 2 different relationships in 09, both ending pretty roughly. One of them was married, and had lied about being in the process of divorce, and the other randomly calls to say hey, I don't have any feelings for you, nice knowing you, etc. Once again, not being a downer about it, I'm glad that it happened. I'm a firm believer in the fact that things happen for a reason. I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't go through everything I've been through, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job.

On a lighter note - I met an amazing human being in November of 09. We decided to meet on a whim, and I can't really put all of that into words. So that should say a lot, lol. It's been a mind-boggling whirlwind of AWESOME. That's the best way I can put it.

I also took a really close look at myself towards the end of the year, and here in the past few weeks. I felt something eating at me but couldn't really put my finger on what it was. Oh - that's right - EATING. From september-decemberish.. I was doing a lot of stress-induced eating. Basically, other things were bothering me, and I was covering it up in that way. It's pretty common, I think a lot of people do it without realizing. I have always been kind of down on myself, I never really was taught to value myself or anything like that. And dealing with the kind of stuff I had to deal with growing up, pretty much smashed any self-worth that I had. As a kid, I always felt like I did something wrong, etc, blamed myself for a lot of things. And I have still been doing that in the past few years. It's a bad habit that I've had to "unlearn." Anyway, I decided that I was gonna take control of it. I've started doing the Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred, and it's been awesome. I'm only 10 days in, but the jeans are fitting a little better already, my arms and legs are stronger, and I feel great every time I finish a workout. I've been called every name in the book when it comes to how I look, but I don't care anymore. I am who I am, and I'm doing everything I can to be the best possible "me" that I can be. I'm learning how to give myself a little more credit for everything I do. There's nothing wrong with being proud of yourself, I see that now. I am more proud of myself, and feel better about myself right now than I ever have. I'm eating better, working out every day, I'm sleeping like a ROCK, and I'm just pretty breezy in dealing with life. I'm just handling it, and I love it. This is who I always wanted to be, and I'm doing it. I've got the best people in my life, and that helps a great deal, too.

I guess basically the point of this was to reflect on what all has happened in the past year or so, it helps me to see the progress I've made. I'm proud of where I'm at now. Things aren't perfect, and they won't ever be.. I accept that. But I'm willing to push through everything and keep my head up, and that's the most important thing. That's what seperates the strong from the weak, ya know? Never have I been and never will I be a weak person, it's mind over matter. It's a new year, a new perspective, a new life, a new me. I'm done rambling. :)

Love yall.

How to lose a hell date in 10 minutes

So, this is just a little follow-up, from the last post here. I thought that I had gotten rid of the hell date guy, went about a week without hearing a thing, but apparently not. So, I took action. One of my good guy friends, Jason, suggested to me that I would have to 'get a little bitchy with it' in order to let my point hit home. With just a few short texts, and my best bitchy foot forward, I do believe I have succeeded. I don't really like being mean, but I'm not about to keep being nice & giving the wrong impression, just a waste of time.

So.. a text comes through the phone..

Hell Date: Hey whatcha doing up this late?
Me: How do you know I'm up?
Hell Date: I saw you online when I was checking my messages, lol.
Me: Okay.
Hell Date: So do you miss me? lol.
Me: No. I miss Mike, actually.
Hell Date: Oh,Ok..................
Me: Yeah.
Hell Date: Well I guess i'll say goodbye then, I'm glad you found somebody, tell bitty I said hi.
Me: Awesome. Bye.
Hell Date: Wow! I guess you really didn't like me, huh?
Me: I thought I had made that pretty clear.
Hell Date: Sorry I wasn't good enough
Me: Guilt trips don't work on me, don't go there.

& that was that. so hopefully now, I won't hear anything else outta this guy. Maybe I laid the bitchiness on a little thick, but damn, he didn't seem to comprehend it any other way.

That is all. Goodnight.

Hell date..

So.. have you ever been on a date.. and you start thinking to yourself.. when are the people gonna pop out with their cameras and tell me this is a joke?! Yeah.. I know that feeling now. So, I have compiled this list of things that a person should NOT do on a date.. Feel free to take notes, or just laugh your ass off.

1. Don't show up early, unannounced, on the first 'date.'
-Yeah. Don't do that. Here's a thought - Let the person know that you are on your way into town so that they can actually.. I dunno.. Get ready? Yeah, give them a little bit of a heads up instead of making them rush because you decided to show up unannounced.

2. Don't tell a girl that she looks fat.
-I would think this would be a given. But yeah, whether you're joking or not, it's really not funny. You probably shouldn't call me "chubs" the first time you meet me. It goes a little something like this..
Me: Yeah, I ate too much ice cream today..
Hell date: I can tell, Chubs.
Me: Uh.. did you just call me a fat ass?
Hell date: Im kidding!
Me: Uh... not funny. *flips the middle finger*
Yeah.. It happened like that. Maybe it was rude of me to flip him off.. okay, it WAS rude. But uh... don't call me fat. Got it?

3. Don't tell your entire life story.
-There's not anything wrong with being open. As a matter of fact, that's fine. But just because I told you I'm going to school to be a psychologist, doesn't mean you need to lay in my floor and tell me all of your problems. Keep it light, seriously. Oh... you have a son? Oh that's cool.. Generally something you should tell someone upfront, but alright. You live with your parents? Oh wow... errr... yeah cool... So.. what time is your curfew again? :)

4. Quit thinking you're gonna change me.
-I set expectations from the start.. I am not looking for someone to be with. I just got out of a relationship, I'm not ready to get into anything right this second. I was telling him what happened with me and my ex, cause he wanted to know.. and then he says "well, did u ever just think that you can do better? I think you're doing better now." Uhhhh... don't give yourself that much credit. Seriously. Get outta here with that. Also, quit talking about how good our communication is. You've talked to me for a day. Stop talking about how we're perfect for each other. Stop trying to convince yourself that I'm goo-goo-gah-gah over you, bless your heart.

5. Don't call ten minutes after you leave to say you miss me.
-Okay.. apparently you really aren't getting my vibes here. I flipped you off, I was on Twitter while you sat here and blabbed on about how you wanted to fall in love, and you call me when you get 10 minutes up the road. And again when you get home. Don't you think it's strange that it went straight to voicemail both times? I wonder why that happened... Gee...

6. Don't try to slow dance with me to the song at the end of the movie credits.
-Yeah... um... don't do that either. That's why I hurried up & turned the movie off. Knock it off, that's just a little weird.

7. Just because I'm not on the same page as you, doesn't mean there's something wrong with me.
-He managed to tell me that there 'must be something wrong with me' since I didn't wanna find somebody & be loved, etc. Err.. I wanna find that.. ONE DAY.. WHEN IT'S RIGHT.. just cause I know that's never happening with you, doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. Let's just wake up and smell the coffee.

I am sure that I could keep adding onto this list, of things that this hell date did wrong.. but yeah.. This is the biggest part of it. Hopefully this gave someone a good laugh, cause I was laughing as I wrote it.

Take care.

Poem

I don't wanna be too cliche,
Although, I must say,
I'm just looking for the right words,
Something you've never heard.
I'm calling you red bull cause you give me wings,
How you make me laugh at the smallest things,
Just a little note, from me to you,
Something to look back to.
A little something to make you smile,
That alone makes it worthwhile,
Cause although I've tried, there's no words that I can say,
To truly show you how you brighten my day.

Another poem

Every minute, of every day
So many things I want to say
But time gets in the way
& It’s my heart that has to pay
Cause where I’m standing now
I don’t know where to go
Maybe some things in this life
I’m just not meant to know
I’m standing on the edge
The water’s getting deep
Maybe I’ll make it alright
If I just take the leap
Cause my mind is telling my heart,
“Baby it’s time you let this go..”
I’ll never leave where I am
If I keep telling myself so
Cause the waves may crash against me
And the waters may be cold
But unhappy is no way to be
It’s no way to grow old
And I’ll never be anything different
If I don’t decide to be
Time to dive in head first,
And set my soul free.

5/27/09
Holly Lee

It's been almost a month.

well it's been almost a month since I've blogged, as you can see. Actually, tomorrow will be a month since my last post. Tomorrow is my mom's court date, and I'm nervous as hell. I'm just hoping and praying that no matter what happens, I can be strong. I always felt like I was the strong one of the bunch, but it's a little bit of a different story behind closed doors. I tend to come off as handling things well to other people, but it all really bothers me when I'm alone. And I'm alone a lot of the time lately. I hate being negative so much on my blog, but I feel like this is really the only place I have to talk about all of this. I don't have anyone here that I can talk to. I used to be able to talk to my boyfriend about things, he's been like my best friend for about a year, but I can't talk to him when he's never here. I sit at home by myself a lot. Still trying to find a job, still trying to be positive and not worry about the things I can't change. I figured things would become easier bit by bit, day by day, but it feels like the oppositte is happening. It feels like all of these negative feelings are just compounding on my heart, and that I can't shake these feelings no matter what I do. I really hate the way that things are right now. I hate that I have let myself get to this point, where I feel as low as I do about myself. I keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, but I feel like it's flickering out. I've got a hard day coming tomorrow, and I'm terrified. And now I'm crying as I write this...

I'm trying so hard to get to the core of myself, to find the strength that I once had, and to be tough. But I am so scared, and feeling so hopeless, that I can't hide it anymore. I'm ready to tell my boyfriend to hit the highway, but I know what that will do to me. I just feel like I'm on the back burner in his life, still. We've been going days without seeing each other, and we never used to do that. I told him he could stay with me when I got my own place, and he seemed excited about the idea, but he's not here. I left a closet empty for him in my room, I gave him a key, but he hasn't moved in here. He had talked before I moved like he would help me with my bills and everything, but he's not. I never want a man to take care of me, but in a way I resent him for going back on his word. I resent him for putting me on the back burner, and for not being here for me right now, when I really need someone most of all. After all the time I sacrificed to be there for him, he can't seem to do the same for me. It really does hurt.

I guess right now I'm just afraid of the uncertainty I'm facing. I feel like I have no idea where my life is going, and I'm just scared of the outcome of everything. I sleep way too much now, and I think I do it just so I don't have to be awake and sit here and feel like this. I know this is all depressing but it's me, and it's how I'm feeling. If I didn't write it out somewhere, I'd hold it all in until I just explode, which I feel like I'm about to do anyways. So I will quit rambling now.