How to lose a hell date in 10 minutes

So, this is just a little follow-up, from the last post here. I thought that I had gotten rid of the hell date guy, went about a week without hearing a thing, but apparently not. So, I took action. One of my good guy friends, Jason, suggested to me that I would have to 'get a little bitchy with it' in order to let my point hit home. With just a few short texts, and my best bitchy foot forward, I do believe I have succeeded. I don't really like being mean, but I'm not about to keep being nice & giving the wrong impression, just a waste of time.

So.. a text comes through the phone..

Hell Date: Hey whatcha doing up this late?
Me: How do you know I'm up?
Hell Date: I saw you online when I was checking my messages, lol.
Me: Okay.
Hell Date: So do you miss me? lol.
Me: No. I miss Mike, actually.
Hell Date: Oh,Ok..................
Me: Yeah.
Hell Date: Well I guess i'll say goodbye then, I'm glad you found somebody, tell bitty I said hi.
Me: Awesome. Bye.
Hell Date: Wow! I guess you really didn't like me, huh?
Me: I thought I had made that pretty clear.
Hell Date: Sorry I wasn't good enough
Me: Guilt trips don't work on me, don't go there.

& that was that. so hopefully now, I won't hear anything else outta this guy. Maybe I laid the bitchiness on a little thick, but damn, he didn't seem to comprehend it any other way.

That is all. Goodnight.

Hell date..

So.. have you ever been on a date.. and you start thinking to yourself.. when are the people gonna pop out with their cameras and tell me this is a joke?! Yeah.. I know that feeling now. So, I have compiled this list of things that a person should NOT do on a date.. Feel free to take notes, or just laugh your ass off.

1. Don't show up early, unannounced, on the first 'date.'
-Yeah. Don't do that. Here's a thought - Let the person know that you are on your way into town so that they can actually.. I dunno.. Get ready? Yeah, give them a little bit of a heads up instead of making them rush because you decided to show up unannounced.

2. Don't tell a girl that she looks fat.
-I would think this would be a given. But yeah, whether you're joking or not, it's really not funny. You probably shouldn't call me "chubs" the first time you meet me. It goes a little something like this..
Me: Yeah, I ate too much ice cream today..
Hell date: I can tell, Chubs.
Me: Uh.. did you just call me a fat ass?
Hell date: Im kidding!
Me: Uh... not funny. *flips the middle finger*
Yeah.. It happened like that. Maybe it was rude of me to flip him off.. okay, it WAS rude. But uh... don't call me fat. Got it?

3. Don't tell your entire life story.
-There's not anything wrong with being open. As a matter of fact, that's fine. But just because I told you I'm going to school to be a psychologist, doesn't mean you need to lay in my floor and tell me all of your problems. Keep it light, seriously. Oh... you have a son? Oh that's cool.. Generally something you should tell someone upfront, but alright. You live with your parents? Oh wow... errr... yeah cool... So.. what time is your curfew again? :)

4. Quit thinking you're gonna change me.
-I set expectations from the start.. I am not looking for someone to be with. I just got out of a relationship, I'm not ready to get into anything right this second. I was telling him what happened with me and my ex, cause he wanted to know.. and then he says "well, did u ever just think that you can do better? I think you're doing better now." Uhhhh... don't give yourself that much credit. Seriously. Get outta here with that. Also, quit talking about how good our communication is. You've talked to me for a day. Stop talking about how we're perfect for each other. Stop trying to convince yourself that I'm goo-goo-gah-gah over you, bless your heart.

5. Don't call ten minutes after you leave to say you miss me.
-Okay.. apparently you really aren't getting my vibes here. I flipped you off, I was on Twitter while you sat here and blabbed on about how you wanted to fall in love, and you call me when you get 10 minutes up the road. And again when you get home. Don't you think it's strange that it went straight to voicemail both times? I wonder why that happened... Gee...

6. Don't try to slow dance with me to the song at the end of the movie credits.
-Yeah... um... don't do that either. That's why I hurried up & turned the movie off. Knock it off, that's just a little weird.

7. Just because I'm not on the same page as you, doesn't mean there's something wrong with me.
-He managed to tell me that there 'must be something wrong with me' since I didn't wanna find somebody & be loved, etc. Err.. I wanna find that.. ONE DAY.. WHEN IT'S RIGHT.. just cause I know that's never happening with you, doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. Let's just wake up and smell the coffee.

I am sure that I could keep adding onto this list, of things that this hell date did wrong.. but yeah.. This is the biggest part of it. Hopefully this gave someone a good laugh, cause I was laughing as I wrote it.

Take care.

Poem

I don't wanna be too cliche,
Although, I must say,
I'm just looking for the right words,
Something you've never heard.
I'm calling you red bull cause you give me wings,
How you make me laugh at the smallest things,
Just a little note, from me to you,
Something to look back to.
A little something to make you smile,
That alone makes it worthwhile,
Cause although I've tried, there's no words that I can say,
To truly show you how you brighten my day.

Another poem

Every minute, of every day
So many things I want to say
But time gets in the way
& It’s my heart that has to pay
Cause where I’m standing now
I don’t know where to go
Maybe some things in this life
I’m just not meant to know
I’m standing on the edge
The water’s getting deep
Maybe I’ll make it alright
If I just take the leap
Cause my mind is telling my heart,
“Baby it’s time you let this go..”
I’ll never leave where I am
If I keep telling myself so
Cause the waves may crash against me
And the waters may be cold
But unhappy is no way to be
It’s no way to grow old
And I’ll never be anything different
If I don’t decide to be
Time to dive in head first,
And set my soul free.

5/27/09
Holly Lee

It's been almost a month.

well it's been almost a month since I've blogged, as you can see. Actually, tomorrow will be a month since my last post. Tomorrow is my mom's court date, and I'm nervous as hell. I'm just hoping and praying that no matter what happens, I can be strong. I always felt like I was the strong one of the bunch, but it's a little bit of a different story behind closed doors. I tend to come off as handling things well to other people, but it all really bothers me when I'm alone. And I'm alone a lot of the time lately. I hate being negative so much on my blog, but I feel like this is really the only place I have to talk about all of this. I don't have anyone here that I can talk to. I used to be able to talk to my boyfriend about things, he's been like my best friend for about a year, but I can't talk to him when he's never here. I sit at home by myself a lot. Still trying to find a job, still trying to be positive and not worry about the things I can't change. I figured things would become easier bit by bit, day by day, but it feels like the oppositte is happening. It feels like all of these negative feelings are just compounding on my heart, and that I can't shake these feelings no matter what I do. I really hate the way that things are right now. I hate that I have let myself get to this point, where I feel as low as I do about myself. I keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, but I feel like it's flickering out. I've got a hard day coming tomorrow, and I'm terrified. And now I'm crying as I write this...

I'm trying so hard to get to the core of myself, to find the strength that I once had, and to be tough. But I am so scared, and feeling so hopeless, that I can't hide it anymore. I'm ready to tell my boyfriend to hit the highway, but I know what that will do to me. I just feel like I'm on the back burner in his life, still. We've been going days without seeing each other, and we never used to do that. I told him he could stay with me when I got my own place, and he seemed excited about the idea, but he's not here. I left a closet empty for him in my room, I gave him a key, but he hasn't moved in here. He had talked before I moved like he would help me with my bills and everything, but he's not. I never want a man to take care of me, but in a way I resent him for going back on his word. I resent him for putting me on the back burner, and for not being here for me right now, when I really need someone most of all. After all the time I sacrificed to be there for him, he can't seem to do the same for me. It really does hurt.

I guess right now I'm just afraid of the uncertainty I'm facing. I feel like I have no idea where my life is going, and I'm just scared of the outcome of everything. I sleep way too much now, and I think I do it just so I don't have to be awake and sit here and feel like this. I know this is all depressing but it's me, and it's how I'm feeling. If I didn't write it out somewhere, I'd hold it all in until I just explode, which I feel like I'm about to do anyways. So I will quit rambling now.

a poem..

Of all the things I ever hoped to be,
what I've chased most is "happy.."
But looking back won't get me anywhere,
faith is what will take me there.
I may be facing a wall of doubt,
but my flame will never flicker out,
that little light shining in the dark,
comes from the bottom of my heavy heart.
The ones who said "you've got it all wrong,"
and the ones who believed in me all along,
have equally pushed me to shine,
to take my life & make it "mine."
Hard times will come & go,
but there's one thing that I know,
when odds stacked against me, I took them down,
the quiet one, never making a sound.
The places I've been & the places I'll go,
the people i've met, & those I've yet to know,
the broken pieces fit together beautifully,
they are what makes me, "me."

~Holly Nichole, 4/13/2009

La di da..

So I went and visited my mom on friday, and she had gotten a few letters from the people who sent them to me already. I asked her if she liked it & she said it made her cry to see that people that don't even know her were reaching out to her. I'm the same way, all of the people who have been commenting on these personal blogs & giving me some encouragement have really helped. It makes me emotional, too to see people reach out to me when I'm basically a stranger to them. I've been pondering the idea of going and talking to a counselor, but I can't really afford it right now. I may be able to see if I can get in somewhere, some places offer a program that allows people who don't have jobs to still get help. I actually worked up the courage back in Jan. of 2007 to call and tell our mental health center that I needed to talk to someone, and had the appointment scheduled and everything. I was shaking in my boots when I got there because the idea scares me. Kinda silly since I'm going to school to eventually be a counselor. But talking about my problems face to face with someone is hard for me because I tend to get emotional and then I feel silly. But I got there, and signed in, and they told me that they didn't take the insurance that I had. It would be $90 for the first visit and $60 for visits after that. I was making about 6.00 and hour at the time, so that was pretty much out of the question. So I basically wrote off the idea of talking to someone since then. And I have had friends over the years that I felt like I could talk to, but it seems like they're not there when I need them, only when they need me. And with as much as I've been going through, I think it's a lot for one person to hear & process all of it. I can't process half of it myself. It really is like a bad dream sometimes, because I want to have some sense of control over everything, and I feel like I have none. i want to help people, but I have to realize that their problems are just that, their problems. I cannot fix someone who doesn't want to fix themselves. I think that's the hardest part of it for me. Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling here, so I'll hush now. :)