Thursday, November 5, 2009

Hell date..

So.. have you ever been on a date.. and you start thinking to yourself.. when are the people gonna pop out with their cameras and tell me this is a joke?! Yeah.. I know that feeling now. So, I have compiled this list of things that a person should NOT do on a date.. Feel free to take notes, or just laugh your ass off.

1. Don't show up early, unannounced, on the first 'date.'
-Yeah. Don't do that. Here's a thought - Let the person know that you are on your way into town so that they can actually.. I dunno.. Get ready? Yeah, give them a little bit of a heads up instead of making them rush because you decided to show up unannounced.

2. Don't tell a girl that she looks fat.
-I would think this would be a given. But yeah, whether you're joking or not, it's really not funny. You probably shouldn't call me "chubs" the first time you meet me. It goes a little something like this..
Me: Yeah, I ate too much ice cream today..
Hell date: I can tell, Chubs.
Me: Uh.. did you just call me a fat ass?
Hell date: Im kidding!
Me: Uh... not funny. *flips the middle finger*
Yeah.. It happened like that. Maybe it was rude of me to flip him off.. okay, it WAS rude. But uh... don't call me fat. Got it?

3. Don't tell your entire life story.
-There's not anything wrong with being open. As a matter of fact, that's fine. But just because I told you I'm going to school to be a psychologist, doesn't mean you need to lay in my floor and tell me all of your problems. Keep it light, seriously. Oh... you have a son? Oh that's cool.. Generally something you should tell someone upfront, but alright. You live with your parents? Oh wow... errr... yeah cool... So.. what time is your curfew again? :)

4. Quit thinking you're gonna change me.
-I set expectations from the start.. I am not looking for someone to be with. I just got out of a relationship, I'm not ready to get into anything right this second. I was telling him what happened with me and my ex, cause he wanted to know.. and then he says "well, did u ever just think that you can do better? I think you're doing better now." Uhhhh... don't give yourself that much credit. Seriously. Get outta here with that. Also, quit talking about how good our communication is. You've talked to me for a day. Stop talking about how we're perfect for each other. Stop trying to convince yourself that I'm goo-goo-gah-gah over you, bless your heart.

5. Don't call ten minutes after you leave to say you miss me.
-Okay.. apparently you really aren't getting my vibes here. I flipped you off, I was on Twitter while you sat here and blabbed on about how you wanted to fall in love, and you call me when you get 10 minutes up the road. And again when you get home. Don't you think it's strange that it went straight to voicemail both times? I wonder why that happened... Gee...

6. Don't try to slow dance with me to the song at the end of the movie credits.
-Yeah... um... don't do that either. That's why I hurried up & turned the movie off. Knock it off, that's just a little weird.

7. Just because I'm not on the same page as you, doesn't mean there's something wrong with me.
-He managed to tell me that there 'must be something wrong with me' since I didn't wanna find somebody & be loved, etc. Err.. I wanna find that.. ONE DAY.. WHEN IT'S RIGHT.. just cause I know that's never happening with you, doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. Let's just wake up and smell the coffee.

I am sure that I could keep adding onto this list, of things that this hell date did wrong.. but yeah.. This is the biggest part of it. Hopefully this gave someone a good laugh, cause I was laughing as I wrote it.

Take care.


aquariann said...

Eep. Calling someone "Chubs" on the first date is unforgivable, even in jest! What a charmer. :p

Mike said...

LOL - this one was quite the winner.
*shakes head*